Heartbroken

“The heart was made to be broken.”~Oscar Wilde

I got the tattoo in the picture on my back in the year 2013, after suffering one of the worst break ups in my life. I use to regret getting this piece of art, now I embrace it because in life I believe the heart is made to be broken. Heart breaks are not caused only by your significant other but family members and friends.

I have allowed my heart to be broken because I invested in the wrong people many times. The breakup of 2013 as I call it. I basically choose the wrong man, I admit. I was in a place where I was ready and he wasn’t. Not only he wasn’t ready, but just a horrible person. Those situations never work, as timing is always key to successful relationships.

At one time, I thought I loved everything about him, but as I look back I realize he was a narcissist and very self centered. He was a taker and not a giver, and I allowed myself to go through that.

The woman I am today would never allow that kind of behavior. So I thank God for the experience.

I never forgot, our one and only Christmas together, he was just coming out of a bad situation, so I gave him some cash in like a cute little box, he gave me nothing. Not a card, a Merry Christmas, nothing. I was thinking to myself, he didn’t get my anything, I died inside.

I still can see the image in my head, we was laying in bed we talked and he literally went to sleep. He had no feeling or regard about not getting me anything. I can honestly say, if narcissist had an association he was the President.

He ended up leaving me, after using me and taking what little I had. When he left , I cried for months. I wanted someone who didn’t want me. I remember his own mother telling me, “Shawn you don’t want anyone who don’t want you.” To this day I remember his mother’s words. This break up was so bad, my friends had to come get me out of bed. I literally cried for months.

Fast forward 6 years later, and from what I hear he’s still the same arrogant, narcissist, with bad luck. Karma is doing him well, they say. I thank God he did something for me I couldn’t do for my self. He left me.

When I love, I love hard. I love with my whole soul. That’s just who I am.

So as I have-lived, I have suffered more heartbreaks than the average person. I tried to count them, I just stopped. While, heartbreaks from your significant other hurt, the heart break from your family members cuts deep in a different way.

My experience, is that family think they are exempt because they are family. Completely not true for me. Because as family, I expected more. I use to have high expectations, sadly I have none anymore because I can’t continue to allow myself the pain and hurt. It’s the disappointment that pains you.

I wish everyone well, I’m just preserving my energy and sanity. It’s draining. When everyone can find the blame in you. I ask you kindly take a look in the mirror, and see where you are, not knowing karma practically has smacked you in the face several times, but ok!!

Friends are family that you choose so, when a friend breaks your heart for me its not the end of the world. I honestly don’t loose sleep behind it. I just watch the characteristics of making new friends.

I honestly try to not let people taint me, because when your tainted, your view of the world change. I have never had any problem with picking up the pieces and moving on as I am pretty resilient.

You can get a new man, you can make new friends, but family is just that family.

XoXo 💋

Shawn

5 thoughts

  1. You’re so lucky to be out of that relationship. I was in a toxic relationship with someone who beat me and also tell me how good for nothing I am. God gave me the courage to leave him and I later found the man I’m married to now and he gives joy. What an insightful post.💕

    Liked by 1 person

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